It’s high time to give yourself permission to thoroughly enjoy your life! No more pretending to be happy and satisfied while silently engaged in and on a volatile emotional roller coaster set on target to explode. The problem results from the fact that you have no idea where or when or on whom that explosion will occur.
But mark my words: “The day will arrive.” Without your conscious participation, the dreaded occasion will arrive when you unload on “some unsuspecting soul” some of the pent up repressed anger you’ve accumulated. To add insult to injury, you end up feeling guilty for acting so inappropriately, so you apologize which diminishes your integrity. And, then you try to explain your unwarranted actions. Ha!
It’s a ferocious self-defeating cycle. It’s so pointless and futile to continue to live like this. What are you waiting for? What do you think you have to lose? Why are you trying so hard to maintain a fictitious façade? Have you ever really stopped to sincerely ask yourself what it is that truly floats your boat?
Every action you take part in is gauged by fear and control. Fear that you will lose the security of familiarity and the control necessary to uphold the ridiculous story you’ve created in order to feel safe and maintained. Blow it to smithereens!
Why spend such untold life-supporting energy and inherent youthful sensual life force to control situations and people who really bore and upset you. They end up feeling like they are in prison (furious about the situation) while you are tied up being their so called “guardian”.
Stop being their warden “give me a break”! (And, you too) Allow the other person the privilege to dispute you. Allow them to disagree and desire something entirely different from what you think they ought to want. Incidentally, the only reason you are trying to think for them is because you believe it benefits you in the long run; totally untrue.
The absolute worst experience you could ever go through is betrayal, followed by abandonment which is always attached. But, as surprising as it may seem no one can betray you except yourself: No one, no time, no place, no how. The same goes for disappointment. Did you honestly believe another could or would disappoint you? They don't have the power.
The abandonment you think you experience is solely linked to your refusal to accept your personal soul’s assignment.
You decided somewhere along the path to sublimate or delay your desires in exchange for the journey of another. You mis-appropriately decided that his/her life was more interesting and fulfilling than your own. So you jumped ship to board the train of another’s life. But make no bones about it; you were not guileless in your attempt.
Your motives were premeditated and clear. You undertook the mission believing ‘at some time’ you would benefit and gain something of worthwhile value that would increase you and your happiness. Or even more delusional, you somehow contrived in your own mind that you could and would add beauty, joy, love, happiness, support or benefit to the other. HA! Wrong! So totally wrong!
Now, is the time to stop apologizing for enjoying what you singularly enjoy! You are experiencing a form of life that expands you. No other person can do what you can and will do. Therefore, no one will ever understand why you enjoy it so. The more you do it, the more 'natural and convenient' it will become. In fact, you may even begin to smile for no reason.
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